Our February theme was trust, and our March theme is journey. My February column revolved around the journeys Rev. Seth and the congregation have embarked on, although the theme of trust was there too. So, in March, I’m addressing trust more directly.

In the UU Ministers Association weekly newsletter for February 8 Darrick Jackson, Director of Education, wrote:

“There are different approaches to developing trust. For some, trust is something you jump in and do. It requires taking a risk and letting the trust happen. On the other end of the spectrum, some feel that trust is earned. People and institutions need to show themselves as trustworthy before trust can be granted. When adherents to these two approaches engage, trust can be hard to establish and lead to an impasse in the relationship.

We will not be able to move forward as institutions and individuals if we are not able to move towards trust. Not everyone can, and should, jump into total trust. But we can commit to the development of trust over time, giving priority to our needs for safety and our healing from wounds and trauma.”

Mr. Jackson offers wise counsel as we move forward with building and rebuilding trust within our own beloved community. Some of us, I expect, are at each end of the spectrum, and many of us are somewhere in between most of the time. I’d suggest a third factor that plays into this: even for those who are inclined to jump in and do when it comes to trust, trust must be earned back once it has been broken. This is often true for me when my trust in another individual has been shattered as well as in situations involving trust in a group.

There was an excerpt from an interview between Adam Grant and Daniel Coyle referenced in the February Unigram that makes a related point. Trusting people first enables taking risks because it eliminates the fear of being harmed or let down. On the other hand, as Mr. Coyle points out “building trust doesn’t come first and then we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Mutual vulnerability is itself how we build trust.”

Although I do not feel that my trust in our congregation has been broken, I know some and perhaps many of us do. It is a worthwhile exercise to reflect on how jumping in or expecting trust to be earned play out in how each of us approaches the work before us. Mr. Jackson also points out that “not everyone can, and should, jump into total trust. But we can commit to the development of trust over time, giving priority to our needs for safety and our healing from wounds and trauma.” His use of the conjunction “and” (rather than “or”) in this last sentence voices an important truth. It is not, does not have to be, and indeed should not be either/or, the development of trust or safety and healing. It’s both.

He also reminds us that not all of us are at the same point on the trust spectrum. And where we are may change from day to day. That’s to be expected and can be accepted. Establishing or rebuilding trust begins with each of us accepting where we, and others, are in our ability and willingness to trust each other.

It is helpful, however, to give each other the benefit of the doubt, to whatever extent we can. In the absence of persuasive evidence to the contrary, assume good intentions. Assume other people are doing the best they can in the circumstances they’re in at the moment. Be willing to offer each other the grace of forgiveness for apparent transgressions against trust, and then do so again. I know I don’t get this trustworthiness thing right all the time, nor do others.

As we engage in this adventure, whether it’s trust between individuals or how we move into building greater trust within our congregation, we need to keep in mind that it will be a gradual process. Who can we trust? What resources are available to us?

• We can trust each other individually, and the strength of our communal life and love collectively, and more specifically, we can trust that we all seek healing and reconciliation.
• Our staff, board and committees, who share with us the desire to be the best we can be, even when we disagree about how to go about that or what exactly it looks like.
• Our own intuition and instincts
• The counsel of others, for example the facilitator of our upcoming Brené Brown workshop
• The Web of Life itself, which will not allow us to fall out of it nor will it reject us.

The prayer/meditation that Mr. Jackson offers at the end of his article strengthens me when I need to move through issues around trust:

Web of Life, Spirit that moves
within and between us,

Open our hearts.

Help us to discern when we are ready to trust.

Help us to discern whom we can trust.

And teach us how to trust…

Help us to find the right balance of safety and vulnerability

So that we can engage in community that builds,

So that we can live our faith in action
as well as belief.

Remind us that we need one another…
(abridged)

Rev. Julia