Rev. Seth recently alluded to there being only 5% of sexual assault survivors’ memories later proven to be false. I want to highlight some of the scientific research into traumatic memory that supports this. The question of the reliability of survivors’ memories has come to national attention with high-profile cases. Many, perhaps most, survivors have faced similar questions, if not from others, then within our own minds.

In response to a question, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford said she is 100% certain” that it was indeed Brett Kavanaugh who assaulted her. The context of the discussion was that some people acknowledged that she might have indeed been assaulted but she was mistaken about the identity of her attacker. This allegation escalated when two men came forward to say that it was really they, rather than Kavanaugh, who had been the perpetrators.

My response to this part of the story is twofold: I can assure you from experience that the face of our attacker is burned into our brain cells. If we were able to see the attacker’s face, that face will not be forgotten. We just know. Second, it is an amazing confirmation of just how far the patriarchy and the “old boys” network will go to protect one of their own. Taking one for the team? Really?

Senator Amy Klobuchar (D—Minnesota) pointed out that many people were putting the focus on what Dr. Ford could not remember about that horrifying night. The senator stated the she was more interested in what Dr. Ford did remember. Her point is important and well taken.

As I reflected on my own remembering, two metaphors became central. I don’t know which came first. One is old Polaroid photos. Remember? We snapped the picture, watched it emerge slowly from the camera, and then watched, fascinated, as the image clarified. The other is assembling a jigsaw puzzle. Piece by piece, bit by bit, sometimes painstakingly slowly and with great frustration, the puzzle comes together. It’s still hard to get a sense of the whole. Then…Oh! We find the necessary piece and where it fits, the piece that lets the whole thing make sense. For me, that piece was the realization that I’d been sexually abused. So many things that hadn’t made sense, did.

I was fortunate. I never faced hostile, derogatory questioning as an adult; I certainly did as a child. As an adult though, I was never “on trial.” I had people—family, friends, colleagues and professionals—to whom I could disclose with a deep sense of safety. This facilitated remembering, because I didn’t feel threatened. Dr. Ford’s ability to remember and recount calmly under the circumstances she faced is humbling.

Dr. Jim Hopper’s work on traumatic memories is not as well-known as that of some other researchers, but in my opinion, it’s some of the clearest and most straightforward. He did not testify in the discussions of Dr. Ford’s memories. What I’ve relied on here is from “Traumatic Memories: Tools to Evaluate the Senate Testimony” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sexual-assault-and-the-brain/201809/traumatic-memories-tools-evaluate-the-senate-testimony). He notes, “If I had been permitted to provide my expert testimony at the September 27, 2018 Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on Judge Kavanaugh’s confirmation, these would have been my remarks.” This excellent article is well worth your time to read it carefully, including the links he provides to some of his other work. His work is based not only on sexual assault survivors but on his research with police and soldiers who have been in combat.

Memory processing happens in three stages: encoding, storage, and retrieval. Encoding puts the memory into temporary storage in a sort of “buffer,” where it stays for maybe 30 seconds only. Things that have strong emotional significance are much more likely to be encoded. It’s important to note that which details are central is from the survivor’s perspective at the time.

Storage further processes the memory so that it can be retained beyond those immediate 30 seconds. Negative emotional significance leads to greater long-term storage. “Evolution has selected brains that are biased to encode the negative more strongly, to enable survival in a world with predators and other grave dangers… Most important of all, when it comes to what will remain stored in our brains, is this: How emotionally activated, stressed, or terrified we were during the experience. Decades of research have shown that stress and trauma increase the differential storage of central over peripheral details.”

Memories do generally fade with time. What differentiates traumatic memories is that they do not fade over time. They wait, patiently, until we feel safe enough and the circumstances are right, to come forth. And when they do, those central details remain clear, even if some of the peripheral details have become fuzzy. At that point, they are retrieved. The memory of the events or events and the “vivid sensory details and wrenching emotions” surrounding them are not easy to distort, nor is there scientific evidence that supports any assumption that distortions have occurred.

As a survivor, the take-away from this is that we can believe ourselves. We can trust that the answer to the question we often ask ourselves, “Did this really happen?” is a solid “Yes.” As someone who has had the privilege of accompanying other survivors on their journeys toward healing, the take-away is “I believe you. You can trust what you know.” As a citizen, the take-away is “We can and should believe survivors.”

~Rev. Julia